My boss brought in a box of doughnuts.  At least a dozen.  They are on the counter…..right….over….there.

She even opened them up, displaying and sending the sweet aroma of deep fried batter and sugar through the room.  Standing at the counter (where the evil doughnuts are) describing the different kinds she got for everyone. 

No one is touching them.  The three women here seem to be immune (that’s three OTHER women)  The young man across from me just sneered is all.

I am sitting here, thinking about them, refusing to be the fat girl that dives into the doughnuts first.  Refusing to dive in at all, instead blogging about them.

AND I’m actually down a couple pounds.  I see my girlfriend next week and I do not want to put them back on before that (or at all in fact), which one bite of one doughnut would do.  Cause that would result in eating the entire doughnut and perhaps when no one was around another one (or two). 

Its not even like you can tell I’ve lost anything but it feels good.  The early morning workouts are working.

……this just in, they are not immune they are now looking at and cutting up to “share” or just have a “taste”.  Fat girls and skinny girls are just different beings!

Staying on course, or rather getting on course takes day after day after day dedication. Getting into a routine, making your workout a priority, getting up early to do it, or skipping evening events to fit it in. It takes determination to succeed. Once you are in the routine and get to a place that you are enjoying and actually craving the workout (Ok, I know some of you are saying,,,,ya right!) it is easier to stay on course. That is until you miss a day, or a weekend. Like I did two weekends ago when I had to work so much. Then I was completely spent for the rest of the week and even though I was actually missing the workout I was to damn tired to do it. Then Chari came to town and we were determined to both get back on track. We took a couple long walks but my gym door never opened.

And would you look at that, it has been 2.5 weeks since I worked out……HOW does that happen, oh wait I jut explained how it happened.

I even got up this morning at 4:30 to work out, but I didn’t, I drank coffee and watched the news and again didn’t open the gym door.

**********coming soon, the post about how I am back on course
(any friggen day now)*****

So after a month of working a new schedule and a trip to see Chari and feeling like I was just not putting as much into it I took a page from my dear friend Char’s blog wrapping up the month, and totaled up my month, including days were all I did was 10 minutes of stretching or 20 minutes of core work.

I didn’t go so far as to add up each event separately but came up with a total of 19 hours and 15 minutes, dividing that by 29 days (of which I admit I didn’t work out each day as some of them I was out of town) I had 39minutes per day. UM, I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.

Just seeing it that way, encourages me to do even better this month!!! It also encourages me to keep running, even though I seemed to not be doing so well, the 1/2 Marathon is 269 days away.

Two mornings in a row I have not gotten up with the alarm to work out.  Instead lounging in bed snoozing for another hour of blissful sleep.  It is the self fulfilling prophecy that If I don’t get enough exercise I don’t have the energy to exercise.  Now that same prophecy works well the other way which is if I am getting regular exercise I have plenty of energy for other things including….you got it, more exercise.

Tonight I will be trying out the workout in the evenings option.  I will let you know how that goes.
Oh yea and the tracking my food needs to start back up as well.  No more unaccounted peanut butter pretzels.

So two weeks into this new schedule; I’ve gotten up at 4:30 in the morning and worked out; I’ve walked the dog in the morning and worked out after work; I’ve also worked out on the weekend during the day…..

The winner is I work out best between 9 and 10 in the morning…..oh wait I already knew that!!!

So today was another attempt at working out after work. I got home changed clothes and stalled, checked email, talked on the phone, started laundry. I stood in the middle of the dining room staring off into space just not wanting to go do it. I did get in there, I worked out and it was lackluster at best. I just didn’t have the energy for it. I got a cardio in and some core work but I will be going back to the 4:30 a.m. workouts tomorrow and then for sure both weekend days because those seem to be my best workouts.

In the meantime, work is so busy and stressful as of late my food choices at night are not the best. Breakfast is the same Kashi and soymilk, but now at my desk. Lunch has been a salad from home or soup from the deli but all this time at home at night is leading to some overeating. From Boredom or from stress or just not used to being here at night. Going out twice on Saturday didn’t help but I didn’t do to badly.

So for now 4:30 am workouts and I need to find the time to track my food because not doing it is leading to mindless eating.

I know that I am an emotional eater.  I eat when I’m sad, bored, happy, celebratory and STRESSED.

Chari was here for a fabulous week.  I didn’t do to bad with her here, having the same food goals helps.  Choosing healthy fresh foods.  The problem was the restaurants.  We started the week going out to breakfast with Char, Dave, Leslie and Sam. On the same day we went out with Katherine before her trip.  The next day we went out with my family for a birthday party at Claim Jumper and Mary took us out another night to the restaurant she works at.   The one and only fast food place we went was to Dicks for a burger.

So there was some celebratory eating.  The stress eating started yesterday afternoon.  Chari was on her way home, driving in what the weather reports said would be cold and a little rain/snow mixed and turned into being taken off the freeway and held for nearly two hours while downed power lines where cleared and then only getting just over half way home in the nearly twelve hours it usually takes and staying in a motel in Medford Oregon.

So checking traffic cams, checking weather reports and looking on line for motels that take dogs along the way I sat at my kitchen counter on my computer and might have well just pulled the door off the fridge.  I knew I was doing it too.  hmm toast, hmm yogurt, hmm nachos, hmm boca burger, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm.  That feeling of helplessness, worry and plain and simple stress. I am just thankful I never have cookies or candy or cake in my house because it could have been worse.

Chari is venturing out, chains ready to be donned in Ashland.   I am staying away from the fridge.  I feel off track and need to get back to exercise and training for the marathon but the week was so fabulous and well worth the diversion.

You know its going to be a tough day at work when you walk in and turn the corner and the first thing you see is a bakery box.

Must they make them pink and completely obvious, I mean nothing else looks like a bakery box.

Then of course to find out that its a lemon tart. That would be my absolute favorite, even over chocolate (I know! Say it isn’t so).

I wish I could tell you I didn’t have any. I mean I’ve been doing really well staying away from the sugar and I even resisted this beauty for a few hours. The piece was small, however it did push me over the calorie intake I wanted for the day.

I did exercise today. I got on the treadmill instead of the elliptical trainer just so I could start some running for the Marathon I mentioned yesterday. Needless to say I have a long way to go.

Also The two fabulous women who are running this with me, well we decided on a Marathon blog. So yes another blog. I am going to keep the diet exercise venting stuff here and put things directly related to the Marathon over at Running towards Life. Its also in the blogroll.

So to sum up today, some exercise but not enough, and too much tart.

Well after years of NOT making a resolution because it was a sure way to fail, well I am failing anyway.   With all of the platitudes of not eating sugar and not gaining any weight over the holidays.  HA HA HA.

So today, New Years.  I weight 211 this morning.  I planned on working out today anyway and had a list of things to get done with the day off.  I turned on the TV this morning and found this show called BIG MEDICINE.  They have been playing it all day because its new years I’m sure.  It is a show about Gastric Bypass and I am actually more motivated now.

Not the way you think, not because I don’t want to become these obese people in the show, but more because I see this man who is working out in his bed because even though he is down to 445 pounds from over 800 he still can’t stand up and I’m thinking what is my problem.  I have put a ‘gym’ together 20 feet from the back door in an addition to the house and I can’t seem to get there.

Well I ate breakfast today.  I am making a pot of bean veggie soup now and I managed to get out to the ‘gym’ and  do 15 minutes of cardio at least.  Not the best effort for New Years day but a good day one for 2008.

One day at a time!  Use more then I consume!

TRYING!!!!!

I was at the drug store for a few things and trying to avoid the candy isle as I was craving a dark chocolate snickers. You know it was easier for me to avoid candy when it was all milk chocolate but the first time I noticed the dark chocolate snickers and tried one I was so bummed/happy/bummed/happy. They are very good and I wish I had never seen them.

annnnyyyyway………….. I come around the corner to a very fat woman in a wheelchair, with oxygen tubing, holding a shopping basket against her stomach and thighs with one hand and putting hand fulls of candy bars in it with another.

I wish I could tell you this stopped me from buying the snickers but it did not, I couldn’t get past her in the isle so I went around the other side and plopped one in my basket. It really seemed like no deal in comparison. But that’s the deal isn’t it. I’m not supposed to compare myself to someone else’s size, style, habits or choices. I wouldn’t want some skinny broad eyeing my choice and looking down on my snickers while she holds her organic grown fresh apple or anything like that.

Why did I so easily give myself permission to buy the candy then. Its that double standard that I don’t like and I just jumped right into it myself, all for the taste of a dark chocolate snickers bar. Sigh.

The New Year with the New Found (or Re-found) desire to lose the extra weight.

I have a week before new year. Today I went through the cupboards and fridge and threw out all of the Christmas leftovers and candy and the rest of the pie from last night. I have one week to get into a groove of working out now that the excuse of “Christmas holiday” is behind me. I will be able to hit the new year with a vengeance because I will be one week into the routine already.

I did not lose any weight this year (actually I lost a bunch but gained it back), HOWEVER, I weigh today the same as last new years day so at least there is not a net gain for the year. Perhaps in the next week I can start the year a pound or two lower then last year but only if I am diligent for the next week.