To clarify so that those who care about me are not pissed when I said I can’t afford food everyday, I have been trying to lose weight and yes I don’t always have money to go out or buy a lot I have not gone hungry.

Well actually I have gone hungry, that’s kind of how I lost the 20+ pounds so far. 

But I don’t have money to buy extra food.  So I may portion out my box of cereal so it lasts for the eight days it says it has servings, I may skip lunch occasionally and I don’t buy anything like chips or crackers to munch on.  Dinner is the last meal of the day and if it happens to be at 6pm and at 10pm I am wishing for a snack, well that is when I go hungry.

What I don’t understand, is how people say poverty leads to obesity.  Well actually I understand but its annoying.  It’s not the poverty that leads to obesity.  It is the ready-made fast food choices.  That for the $2.00 on the dollar menu someone can get an order of fries and a small burger, there are certainly more calories than my same $2.00 that I will spend on cereal and soy milk.  (Which for the record is 85 cents on my 2-3 dollar budget a day)

Fresh produce to make a meal is more expensive than the dollar menu and with my limited budget I am also eating less and less animal protien and have perfected a mean pot of beans (at 50 cents a serving by the way.)

I am down about 20 pounds this year.

I wish I could say it was all because of exercise and eating right.

Honestly it’s because there are days I can’t afford to eat.  But hey, as you can see I still have enough stored to get me through winter.

There are so many excuses I could list here.  Excuses I actually beleive…..until

I read something last week,

“If you want something bad enough you will make it happen, if not you will find an excuse”

I have many excuses…..damn it.

This Summers job has been quite physical, and besides that there is no food budget currently.  Together those have made for some weight loss.  I know move more and eat less, it is a concept I swear I have heard before.

Now that the season is over, I will both have more time to work out and also need it to continue on this path.  Blogging should be a little easier as well.  I hope to tell you I am under 190 by the end of October.  That would be the lowest since I lost my job in 2008.

Checking out my stats this morning, I noticed a click-through to this blog.  That is usually Beth.  A good friend who seems to have more faith in my work then I do myself.

Yesterday however, my friend Charla gave me permission to stop waiting for her.  That she appreciated the year I “held back” and waited while she got her fitness on.  (Okay those weren’t her exact words but it was the message)  It had me thinking for a good part of the day.  I did hold back, again back to the common theme of this blog, but I don’t think it was necessarily for her.  Point is, I hold back and clearly my friends see that.

So I am giving myself permission as well, permission to succeed.

I have really been enjoying yoga and it is amazing how much “noticing” I am doing at other times.  I also have a marathon fast approaching and more friends flying in to run it with me.

So with the permission and the running support and the constant-ness of my friends who always check in, even when I seem to drop off, I am also giving myself permission to succeed at this.

Yesterday I bought a 4 week series.  Intro to Yoga, Wednesday nights 8-9:15 that’s where you will find me starting tonight.

I am very excited. 

I started logging food again on FitDay.  It is really sad to think I may have to do that my entire life.  Sad because I seem to disregard any self-control otherwise.  I can ballpark the calories in my food pretty darn close at this point.  In fact when I logged my breakfast, lunch and snack this morning I was 5 calories over in my guess.  The thing is if I’m not tracking then I go overboard “just this once” every single day.

Day after day of “just this once” leads to weight gain. 

Yoga, Fitday and I’m on a healthy road.

Starting a new.

New Month, New Day, New Year.

Well hello there, I’m just trying out new names for this blog.  I mean really every other post it seems is a “Fresh new start” post.

The holidays are over.  There were way too many guests, too much food, too many treats and too much time off for me to stay on track.  So here I am AGAIN.

But its better than not starting over (and over and over) heck if I didn’t start over it would really be considered quitting right.

Yesterday was yoga…..and then a really yummy chicken sandwich and french fries.  I can’t even remember the last time I had french fries but I ate them all and they were good.

So today, you got it, I’m starting to track again.  So far today I’ve had a banana.  I have a healthy lunch and Della, Dale and I are going out to dinner tonight (sushi.) 

I plan to work out tonight, or at least walk Missy.  I also already have a yoga class scheduled for tomorrow night.

So there you are, I’m jumping in AGAIN.  Welcome to my weight loss insanity.

I didn’t get up and work out this morning AND I have baking orders tonight but I will try to do both.

1 cup kashi / 140
1/2 cup soy milk / 50

3 clementines

Thai chicken salad.  Greans, tomato, cucumber and 4oz of skinless grilled chicken.  Also see: burning mouth!  / 300 approx

The day finished up with Sushi (to many carbs)
and a mini cupcake (testing an order) (again to many carbs)
and a cookie (hot from the oven could. not. help. myself. or rather didn’t want to)

Ended the day at 1,678 calories.  Way to many for a day with no exercise.

20 min on the elliptical trainer at 5:40 this morning.

1 cup kashi / 140
1/2 cup soy milk / 50

banana /105

Salad / 105
1/2 cup tuna salad / 191

Dinner was probably not the best choices:

4 dark chocolate mini peanut butter cups / 260
Rice/Bean  chips / 450

Still not a bad total even if dinner was not steller.  1328 calories.

I got so busy baking cake and cup cake orders at the end of last week and then had three nights in a row with social engagements.  All of which included meals. 

I didn’t get much exercise in but I really did try to keep my calories in check.  I ended up with 1500 for yesterday, a bit high for a day with no exercise but still within range.

The down side is, without the regular exercise, I don’t have the energy to get up and exercise.  Which of course would give me more energy. blah blah blah.

Weight this morning was 205.4 so relatively unchanged. 

Food so far was the typical 1 cup of Kashi and 1/2 cup of soy milk for 190 calories.

—–more later—–

Okay so I lied and did not work out.  I went to help a friend get water out of her basement.  Once I got there, instead we ate dinner.  She had made Enchilada’s.  Yum.

I also ate way to many rice/bean chips last night.  Because, well they were salty and yummy and the day felt like a loss already.  Defeatest mentality I realize.